Hey everybody, Alex here. Recently I stumbled upon this forum and I quickly realized that this community might be able to help me with my sleepwalking. You see, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been a sleepwalker. I would wake up in the middle of the night, just standing in the middle of the bedroom, or the hallway, or the front yard. I’ve been told that I have been a sleepwalker since I was 5 or 6, but my memories of sleepwalking don’t really start until I was around 8 years old; Everything before I was 8 seems blurry in my memories.
Around the time I turned 8, I began to sleepwalk more often. At the peak of my sleepwalking, I was sleepwalking nearly every night. I remember waking up, staring at the horizon above the forest near my home, just as the sun began to rise. I remember falling into a hole in the middle of the road. I remember being awakened by the sound of a hurricane, because I was stupid enough to open the front door while the storm was overhead. That last event will be very important very shortly.
My point is that I have a long history of sleepwalking, but I have no idea how to begin controlling it. It’s been a few years since I’ve been sleepwalking every day, but I’m still terrified of falling asleep, because I know there’s a chance I might wake up somewhere else, or not at all. Recently, the “not at all” fear has started getting worse.
In the last few months, I began sleepwalking more frequently again. The problem with my sleepwalking is that it is no longer just affecting me, but my fiancée and my daughter as well. I’ve consulted with a psychologist about this problem, but he just directed me to a psychiatrist for a medication that doesn’t work. My sleepwalking has become more and more dangerous, like I’m intentionally putting my self in more self-destructive situations while I’m asleep. First time this happened was with that hurricane, but that was several years ago. I’m not entirely sure of the connection, but I know that was the first time I put myself into a harmful situation while I was asleep.
Just a few days ago, I was doing my nightly chores, when I began sleepwalking. I didn’t know that was possible until then. As unsettling as that is it was nothing compared to waking up that night with a car stopped 4 feet from my head. Apparently I laid down in the middle of the road without realizing it. Then, 2 nights ago, I got up in the middle of the night, grabbed a kitchen knife and ended up cutting myself with it repeatedly. I woke up surrounded by blood and went to the hospital. Before I left, I cleaned the kitchen of my blood and bandaged myself up so I didn’t scare my daughter. But just last night, I tied a noose around a branch in my back yard and woke up just before I hanged myself.
I’m not a suicidal person, and I never have been. My fiancée and I are terrified that I will kill myself while I’m asleep, and I can never let my daughter grow up without a father. We’re currently trying to find help in any capacity. As I write this, my coworker and friend, Michael, is coming over to my apartment to help keep an eye on me. If anybody can help me, please don’t wait. If you have any suggestions, or you have any similar experiences, I need to hear them. At the rate this is going, I have no time to procrastinate. Thank you, everybody.
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